"Мало того, что Бога нет, но попробуйте еще найти
водопроводчика в нерабочую субботу!"
"Ах, если бы Всевышний явил мне несомненный знак
своего бытия! Скажем, открыл бы на мой счет внушительный депозит в
швейцарском банке."
"Я воспитан в еврейской традиции, которая запрещает
жениться на нееврейке, бриться в субботу вечером и, в особенности,
брить женщину-нееврейку в субботу вечером."
"Если ты хочешь, чтобы Бог рассмеялся, расскажи ему
о своих планах."
"Лев и ягненок будут лежать вместе, но как следует
поспать ягненку едва ли удастся."
"Я старомоден. Я верю, что люди должны сочетаться
браком пожизненно, как голуби и католики."
"Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber
on weekends."
"I do occasionally envy the person who is religious
naturally, without being brainwashed into it or suckered into it by all
the organized hustles / Just like having an ear for music or something.
It would just never occur to such a person for a second that the world
isn't about something."
[Rolling Stone magazine, 1987].
"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making
a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank."
["Selections from the Allen Notebooks," in New Yorker, 5 Nov. 1973].
"To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal
Opposition."
Stardust Memories.
"As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" -
probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on."
"How can I believe in God when just last week I got
my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?"
"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think
that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that
basically he's an underachiever."
"I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am
bringing a change of underwear."
"The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the
fear that there may be no afterlife -- a depressing thought, particularly
for those who have bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there
is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held."
["The Early Essays," 1976].
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